Seriously, guess what today is. C’mon, take a stab at it!
No, it is NOT National Toothpick Appreciation Day! Anyone with a lick of sense knows that falls on May 14.
It’s Mothers’ Day, silly. At least it is here in the good ‘ol US of A. And let’s be honest, does any other country REALLY count? I think we all know the answer to that.
This is the last time I’ll mention Mothers’ Day in this post.
Why? Because I don’t have a mother.
As my earliest readers know, my origins include a petri-dish, a turkey baster and a giant pea pod. A most unusual
childhood, to be sure.
The fact that I’m motherless doesn’t bother me, really. I can’t miss what I’ve never had.
For example, I’ve never had webbed hands and feet. Although webbed appendages would come in handy in certain situations, I can’t say I miss not having them. So, to be clear: I don’t mind being motherless or un-webbed where my hands and feet are concerned. I’m glad that’s settled.
Well, I guess that’s about it for today. You’re probably all having supper with your mothers, wives and grandmothers. If you live in Appalachia they could all be the same person to you!
Hey, I’m not here to judge, just to ridicule.
Anyway, I’d like to close today by telling all of you how great I am. God, I love me!