The Starving Bulls**t Artist

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Guess What Today Is??? May 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — madamebitters @ 3:15 am

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Seriously, guess what today is. C’mon, take a stab at it!

 

No, it is NOT National Toothpick Appreciation Day! Anyone with a lick of sense knows that falls on May 14.

 

It’s Mothers’ Day, silly. At least it is here in the good ‘ol US of A. And let’s be honest, does any other country REALLY count? I think we all know the answer to that.

 

This is the last time I’ll mention Mothers’ Day in this post. 

 

Why? Because I don’t have a mother.

 

As my earliest readers know, my origins include a petri-dish, a turkey baster and a giant pea pod. A most unusual
childhood, to be sure.

 

The fact that I’m motherless doesn’t bother me, really. I can’t miss what I’ve never had.

 

For example, I’ve never had webbed hands and feet. Although webbed appendages would come in handy in certain situations, I can’t say I miss not having them. So, to be clear: I don’t mind being motherless or un-webbed where my hands and feet are concerned. I’m glad that’s settled.

 

Well, I guess that’s about it for today. You’re probably all having supper with your mothers, wives and grandmothers. If you live in Appalachia they could all be the same person to you!

 

Hey, I’m not here to judge, just to ridicule.

 

Anyway, I’d like to close today by telling all of you how great I am. God, I love me!

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14 Responses to “Guess What Today Is???”

  1. jesusbudda Says:

    Yeah.

    Yeah?

    Huh?

  2. Ram Venkatararam Says:

    My god….and I thought the photo of the nun in the last post was disturbing…

    Bleach…i need bleach

    • missfierce Says:

      Ram, Courtney has all the bleach you, or anyone else for that matter, could ever need. She just happened to use it on her hair is all.

      Do you really think the photo of Ms. Love is more disturbing than the one at the start of the post?
      In the last photo, we all know it’s Courtney Love. As fucked up a drug addicted, plastic surgery altered freak she is, we all know WHAT she is. What are those things in the first picture? Dogs? People? Flesh colored elephants? It’s anyone’s guess.

      As for the slutty nun pic, I have no idea if she’s a real nun. I guess she could be; people leave the Church for all sorts of reasons.

      I think we all know why Cristal the Naughty Nun left the covent. If she ever lived in one, that is.

      I make it my business to NEVER ask prospective employees (including models– especially models) questions like how old they are, if they’re allowed to work in the US etc. I find it’s the best way to do business.

  3. Ram Venkatararam Says:

    ….not that I thought she was actually a nun.

    I’m guessing she wasn’t really a nun.

  4. jesusbudda Says:

    Courtney could always afford to be skanky. Her family was always wealthy.
    Lucky bitch.
    And then she almost the entire rights to Nirvana’s records….lucky bitch.

    I’m sure she scrubs up nicely.

    As for the freaky dog sculpture…..I went to school with someone who looked like that bitch.

  5. missfierce Says:

    I like Nirvana, but I could never get how everyone would wet themselves over how fuckin’ great they were. I’m sure the suicide had more than a little to do with it.

    His daughter looks a lot like him. She’s probably about 17 now.

    Fun fact: did you know that Courtney Love starred in Straight to Hell, a movie that some people have called the worst film of all time?

    Well, now ya do!

  6. alantru Says:

    But wait… I’m confused. (Okay, that’s not a news flash or anything.) But, didn’t your parents take you to a farm where an irate Goose acted rather poorly and attacked you? Or… Did I dream that? It felt so real. Or… When you were referring to your parents did you mean the petri-dish, turkey baster and giant pea pod…? And if so… which one of them is your mother? And how do the other two items feel about it?

  7. jesusbudda Says:

    I think Alan’s questions need answering.

    @ MB: “Fun fact: did you know that Courtney Love starred in Straight to Hell, a movie that some people have called the worst film of all time?”

    – Did you ever see ‘Burn, Hollywood, burn: An Alan Smithee Story”?
    Worst film I’ve ever seen.
    Probably. I’ve seen a lot of bad stuff – but this was bad becasue it was attempting to parody the idea of making bad films.

  8. madamebitters Says:

    You’re a smart man, alan.

    Perhaps TOO smart…….

    JB is absolutely correct; you’re question is an excellent one and it deserves a thoughtful, intelligent response.

    But, since this is me you’re dealing with, I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for less.

    The answer to your question(s) are:

    Yes.

    Maybe. Were you naked and embarassed? Were there tacos? If so, it was a dream.

    The turkey baster abandoned us when I was 5 years old on Christmas Eve.

    After much “family” therapy our hloiday dinners no longer end in bloodshed, or with the intervention of a SWAT team.
    The potato salad still sucks though.

    I really hope that clears some thing up, alan because I enjoy your contribution to my blog very much.

    • alantru Says:

      You are too kind. The pleasure is all mine.

      Turkey Basters… They’re such Turkey Bastards. And why do they always have to pull that shit on Christmas?

  9. You’re right. I am too kind; much too kind.

    I’m losing my edge, alan.

    Fuck off!

    There, I feel much better.

  10. nursemyra Says:

    I love that Patricia Piccini photograph, did you know she’s Australian?

  11. nursemyra Says:

    ooops I meant Piccinini


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