Did I ever tell you that at one point in my life I had a nudist for a roommate?
I didn’t? Really? Are you sure about that?
Would you like to hear the story about the nudist I co-habited with for the better part of a year? I don’t know why I’m asking- I’m going to tell the story whether you like it or not.
So here we go.
I saw her ad for a roommate on a billboard at the junior college where I was taking a non-credit mixed media art class. I read her ad and I met all of the requirements: Female, Non-Smoker, No pets, Tidy with a Steady Income. Bingo.
The ad had several strips with her name (Carrie) and phone number on them that could be torn off. So I took one. I called her after my class let out and we set up a meeting the next afternoon at a diner by the college.
Anyway, we met up the next day and we hit it off right away. Carrie asked me a few questions: What did I do for a living (she was a manager at The Limited), if I would have people over a lot (she was a bit on the shy side), if I drank (she never touched the stuff, but it was fine if I did, so long as I didn’t get obnoxious or sick).
These are the sort of questions that a person asks a prospective roommate and I was prepared for them. However, I was not prepared for her final question: How I felt about nudists.
I didn’t think I heard her correctly. “Did you just ask me how I felt about nudists?” I asked her. She nodded.
“Well, they’re okay, I guess. Why do you ask?”
It turned out Carrie was a “nudist at heart”. When I asked her what that meant she told me that, while she lived in a clothed society in private she preferred to be nude at all times.
While I digested this bit of information, she also told me that she had a timeshare at a nudist resort and campground and that she spent every vacation there with her nudist friends.
Carrie asked me if I would have a problem with her lifestyle. I weighed my current living situation (which was with my parents, as I was between roommates at the time) against living with someone who spent the majority of her free-time in the nude.
What could I say? Living with your parents when you’re an adult is frustrating, to put it mildly. While you know you’re an adult, they forget it and end up treating you like a willful, disobedient child. At least that’s how my situation was.
I just had two questions for Carrie: Do you and your friends sit on towels when you’re all nude in the living room and Would I have to get nude with you? She answered yes to the first question and no to the second, so we agreed I could move in the next day.
Since I didn’t have a lot of possessions at the time, the movers had me in Carrie’s apartment by late afternoon. As soon as the moving crew left, Carrie stripped down, got a bottle of water and flopped down on the sofa (on which a towel had already been spread.) “Oh, man! I thought they’d never leave!”
Even though she told about her nudist tendencies, actually seeing her in the altogether was something else entirely. I wished with every fiber of my being that the movers would come back, perhaps for a piece of equipment they had forgotten. I looked around. No such luck
“Come on, sit down. You’ve gotta be tired,” she said. I was, so I sat in a chair on the other side of the room. She switched on the TV and we watched a rerun of Friends. It was the one where the gang thinks that their neighbor in the building across from theirs, Ugly Naked Guy, may be dead. Who says that God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
I went to bed early.
Over the next few days, I avoided contact with Carrie as much as possible without being too obvious. She still knew I was uncomfortable and things between us grew strained.
I felt like an uptight, prudish bitch. Carrie was a nice person and this seemed to be her only quirk. I made it a point to be around her more, to force myself to get used to her nakedness. If for no other reason than I wouldn’t have to live with my folks again. Amazingly, it worked.
Seeing Carrie nude became a part of life. It was as commonplace as say, seeing a lamp or chair, and after awhile I just didn’t notice anymore. In fact, on the rare occasions I saw Carrie wearing clothes it seemed wrong to me.
Things went on like that for a few months, our living somewhat in harmony together. But then she fucked it up by deciding to stop wearing clothes when I had my boyfriend (at that time) over.
We (me and the boyfriend) had been seeing each other for a couple of months and he was over at the apartment two or three times a week. Carrie decided she couldn’t bring herself to wear clothes on the days he came over. Later, she said she wasn’t being true to her ideals
One day when we came home from dinner we walked in on her vacuuming in the nude. I was shocked and more than a little miffed. She had never pulled anything like this before.
As for my boyfriend his eyes were so bugged out of his head he looked like a caricature of himself. The kind a failed artist on a street corner would draw. I told him to leave and the tone of voice I used left no room for argument.
After he was gone, we got into a terrible argument. I had never wanted to hit someone so bad in my life . I think I would have eventually had a neighbor not called the police to report a domestic disturbance.
When the cops (there was 2 of them) got there, they thought we were having a lover’s spat- probably because Carrie was still naked when they arrived. I explained the situation, but I don’t think they believed me. They didn’t stay long and I’m sure they told quite a story to their cronies.
I left that night and stayed with a friend of mine. The next day I went back to the apartment to get my things and to get even with Carrie.
After I packed up all of my stuff I went into Carrie’s bedroom (she was at work, as I knew she would be). I stole every article of clothes she owned; even her socks, undergarments, shoes, and hats. As you can imagine, there wasn’t a lot to take. Then I left.
On my way home I stopped by the Goodwill Superstore and donated all of Carrie’s things. The woman at the counter told me that, “the world would be a better place if more generous people like you were around.” I just smiled, thanked her and left the store.
She did call a few times about her missing clothes and to threaten me with bodily harm. But I changed phone numbers and I haven’t had anymore problems with her.
Are all nudists bat-shit crazy like Carrie was? I doubt it. A lot of them are old and were former hippies, so they’re pretty mellow. Besides, most nudists are the last people on Earth you’d ever want to see naked. Attraction and jealousy rarely come into play.
And that’s my story about my ex-roommate, the nudist.