The Starving Bulls**t Artist

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Poetry: To Suck or Not to Suck? February 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — madamebitters @ 5:26 am

I hate poetry. Finally, after all these years, I’ve said it.  Or typed it really; it’s the same difference.

To be entirely truthful, I hate most poetry. I find some of Shel Silverstein’s silly poetry somewhat entertaining. And I’ve always appreciated a clever, dirty Limerick.

I’m not a monster.

But the rest of poetry is, without exception, terrible.  It doesn’t matter what “type” it is or what “form” it takes; sonnets or couplets, haiku or (Lord, help me) free-verse. The results are always the same: irredeemable awfulness.

I’ve given some thought on why the vast, vast majority of poems and poetry suck. Being on house arrest has given me ample time to think about a lot of shit. Mostly, it’s stupid shit and this is no exception.

As I was saying, I’ve been looking for a common denominator to explain poetry’s general suckiness and I think I’ve found it. It’s the person who writes the poem; the “poet”.

Now, I’ve had the misfortune to know a few poets, so I know what I’m talking about. I can truthfully say these people were without a doubt the most miserable, mopey and therefore most annoying individuals I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.

Oh, and they’re always, always broke. Turns out writing depressing drivel in verse doesn’t pay too well. Imagine that!

Think about it, have you ever met a happy poet? Of course you haven’t because they don’t exist.

History backs me up on this. All of our “famous” poets were massively unhappy people.

Poe, Dickinson, Keats, Byron, Woolf. What do they all have in common, besides being well-known poets? They’re all people with whom you’d never want to spend a Saturday night at the club with.

Now a few of you may take offense to this, and I’m sure all of you are wondering why I’m breaking bad on poetry. I’ll tell you, but let me ask you a question first:

Have you ever been to a public poetry reading?

If you have, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

If you’ve never been to one and you have a masochistic streak, go to one some evening. They usually happen at non-chain coffee houses,  bookstores, and at the campus of your local community college.

These readings usually last an hour or two, which doesn’t sound too bad, really. Especially when good coffee and crullers are part of the equation.

However, once you’re sitting in a iron folding chair less than three feet away from the angry lesbian on a soapbox who’s carrying on about how her ex-girlfriend left her and took their cat- in a series of haiku no less, you’ll realize that time can and indeed does move backwards.

Just throw some bad folk music and “interpretive dance”  in the mix, and guess what? You’ve created Dante’s  third circle of hell. Or the Lilith Fair, which is a good substitute for hell in most people’s opinions.

Including mine.



9 Responses to “Poetry: To Suck or Not to Suck?”

  1. eksith Says:

    Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
    Alas! I am very sorry to say
    That ninety lives have been taken away
    On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
    Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

    – William McGonagall

    That was from 1879 inspired by the Tay Bridge disaster.
    McGonagall is probably considered the worst poet in the history of the English language… And that’s saying a lot! Especially considering the mountains of bad poetry all over the place.

    As for most poets being unhappy…
    It’s quite a sad fact that a lot of intelligent people are/were in fact very unhappy. What adds to it is when they try to express it in some form. Usually that’s the time to head for the hills. Not because they don’t have a point, but it really is like the pot calling the kettle black.

    They see the world for the pile of bull feces that it is (ironically which they’re a part of)… Smelly, unplesant and full of hypocrisy. Of course no one would really want to be called any of those things so, of course, they’re always broke.

    It’s little wonder that coming across a poet is a bit like coming across a grumpy 70 year old,
    who had just woken up,
    who hadn’t had coffee yet,
    and who just stubbed his toe.

    On a side note…
    I noticed in your profile link, you’re missing the “.com” part from your blog. Right now it redirects to “http://madamebitters.wordpress/”.

  2. eksith Says:

    And I just saw the link to your donate button is a bit off on some posts.

    It should be :

  3. jesusbudda Says:

    Eksith is a lovely fellow.
    He got there before I did.

    But hands off her, Eksith, I had her first!!!!!
    Well, ‘had’ is probably not the correct word to use…

    I’ve said it beofer and I’ll say it again: poetry is shit because poets (in general) are pretentious shitheads.
    Not good enough to write a book or put some music t the words to make a song, they just stick with their fucking, sissy poetry.

    I’m really talking about rich, pretentious bastards and drippy students here.
    I’m sure there are some poets that are alright.

    Again, Eksith hands off ‘my’ woman!
    Get your own internet skank (no offense, Madame)

  4. jesusbudda Says:

    I probably should have made some smart remark about the “to suck or not to suck?” heading.

    But that would be too easy and sleazy 🙂

  5. eksith Says:

    I… er… well… *cough*

  6. missfierce Says:

    To Budda: “I probably should have made some smart remark about the ‘to suck or not to suck’ heading.

    Thank you Budda, for showing some (uncharacteristic) restraint. I, and the 5 readers of this blog appreciate it.

    As for the skank remark, I find it insulting and a gross overstatement of the facts. I prefer the term “friendly internet predator.”

    Eskith: What you said about very intelligent people gernerally being more unhappy than average (and below average) folks is a sad truth.

    Let’s look at the mentally challenged: Have you ever met one that’s depressed? I don’t know about you, but I never have.

    That’s not to say they don’t ever get upset or sad about things. They do- the mentally challenged have emotions like all of us. But I have never, ever seen a retarded person that has a continuous cloud of depression hanging over them. Have you?

    It’s interesting you brought up my PayPal button, because I put in a call to wordpress support about it. It’s not going to my account, it’s showing a screen that says that the page I’m looking for doesn’t exist.

    I’m sure it has something to do with the script, like you suggested.

    I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I put you on my blog roll. When I click on it, it doesn’t take me to your blog- it takes me to the same screen that pops up when I go to my PayPal account.

    Click on your link and see if it the same thing happens to you.

    Eskith, you are a very smart man. Becasue of this, I’m worried you may be depressed or otherwise unhinged. Please stay away from sharp objects and drain cleaner.

    I’ve grown fond of you, and I think JB has too. But not in a gay way (he’d kill me if I didn’t add that last part)

  7. eksith Says:

    Am I depressed?
    Yes, but then I see some awsomely messed up thing on TV or the Internet and think “well, it could be so much worse.”

    I guess my approach to life is a bit like those musicians aboard the Titanic. I know what’s happening. I know what’s going to happen, but I’m really not going to stop what I’m doing or dive into the cold water. Crazy, but functional crazy 🙂 .

    I can help you fix the link issues, but I’m afraid the Leader will rip me a new one. 😛

    You can solve the button issue by placing the button+link in the sidebar in a “Text” widget. This way, it appears on every single page regardless of where a user will navigate. After all, adding one manually would be a pain even if everything went OK.

    You can move that widget to the top of the list so it appears right underneath the girl in the baggy geans.

    As for my link…
    Just go into “Links” > “Edit”.
    An “Edit” link will appear as you hover over each entry.
    Once you’re in edit mode, you can change the “Web Address” text. That should solve it.

    You can change your PayPal link text to the donate button URL while you’are at it.

  8. eksith Says:

    Hey! Two posts now have the correct link!

    These are still a bit off..
    “My first time”
    “About the new name”
    “Did you Miss Me?”
    “Feeling Happy? You Won’t if You Read These Books…”

    That last two have an extra “https” in the front and the semicolon is missing.

  9. jesusbudda Says:

    Jesus, Madame Bitters, get your shit together woman!
    If you are gonna be my cult goddess then you’d better start getting your site together fast!!!!

    Eksith, hands off!!!!


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